7 Ways to Avoid the iPhone Hype
You may have been told that it is impossible to avoid the iPhone hype. You may have tried and failed.
To the iPhone: I’m going to hang up this phone, and then I’m going to show these people what you don’t want them to see. I’m going to show them a world without you. A world where anything is possible.
Disconnect
Disconnect your internet connection. Wait, your television as well. And your telephones—you know your friends will call to gossip (“There’s a secret button on the iPhone menu!”). Come to think of it, stop using electricity—there’s no telling which electrical appliances can turn against you.
Vacation
Take a vacation to a country where they don’t have cell phones. No wait, they may still crave the iPhone. Take a vacation to a country where they don’t know about cell phones. While there, don’t talk about the iPhone—let’s keep that imaginary country unspoilt.
No News
Do not read, watch, or listen to the news. There was a time when tech launches were limited to tech news sources, and maybe the business pages of the major news outlets. Not so any more—witness Fox 12 in Boise, ID and WDBJ in Roanoke, VA. Actually, there is one news source you can go to that will reliably stay away from the iPhone story.
Time Travel
Take yourself back to some day prior to the 9th of January, 2007 and stay there forever. The other alternative is to travel to a future where people have forgotten what the iPhone was. Some analysts claim this is next year. Others are convinced such a time will never come.
Parallel Universe
While we are on the subject of things modern science is incapable of, why not escape to a parallel universe? One where the iPhone will never exist, of course. Many analysts believe that if such a universe exists, it comes with uncomfortable side effects: fairies have never had wings, Elvis is dead, and Greedo shot first. Would you want to live in such a universe?
Avoid People
Let’s face it—even if you cut the electricity and go on vacation, you’re bound to run in to some random tourist who just heard the latest iPhone rumor and can’t wait to tell someone. “Did you know it comes with flair?!” he says, as you run screaming from the room. The real solution is to avoid people. In any case, you’ve always known they’re overrated. Stay in your room, have room service silently slip your meal under the door, and read anything published prior to the 9th of January.
Remember These Numbers
First of all, remember the 9th of January, 2007. Anything written, said, or signaled prior to that date is not about the iPhone. This is the sum total of human creation, as far as you are concerned. Next, remember the 29th of June, 2007. Your future depends on this date—the hype can get better or worse. Like you, we’re all counting on less hype. You may want to come out of your hermit lifestyle in July to inquire about it. The last numbers you may want to remember are 63,600,000 and 8,636. There are 63,600,000 hits for the word iPhone on Google and 8,368 for it on Google News. If the numbers have gone down in July, it may be safe to turn the lights on again.
P.S.: This article can be construed as feeding the hype! That means part of avoiding the hype is to remember everything I’ve written and never read this again….
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Comments
Time Travel that’s the key!
I cannot believe you forgot the most important one, listening to John C. Dvorak! Just read one of his rants about the iPhone and you’ll be never so much as think about the iPhone again.
Why avoid it? Who cares. My Macintosh work has tripled since the rumors last year. I have clients calling up asking if we can build thier system around the Mac platform, and how long it will take to do it. They want ease of use, they want stability and security.
Let it go. It’s a Phone, iPod, Computer, PDA all in one. It’s gonna be good for Apple and it will be good for Apple users. It’s been great for Apple developers because were now getting calls and aquiring more customers.
People aren’t stupid. They just can’t see the light all that often. The iPhone shows them there’s another way to organize their lifes with a device that doesn’t bomb out all the time. They see that and ask themselves maybe I should look at all the other products they make.
Let it go. If you don’t like the hype buy a PC, Crackberry, iRiver, and let the rest of the Apple community go about it’s way.
The entire industry and industry contributors stated the iPhone was a wakeup call. It showed everyone there is an easier way to make these and clearly showed people are willing to fork out a few hundred bucks one time to not deal with crap for a lifetime. Life is short quit spending time on meaningless stuff, get to the good parts - the iPhone does this.
@xwiredtva, Oh come on! You reply to a humorous, satirical article about the media hype about the iPhone telling me to buy a PC? Good for you if your work has tripled, and I personally may buy the darn thing myself by the end of the year. That’s not the point of the article. My article was satire- I thought the parts about parallel universes, time travel and elvis would give that away.
I thought it was cute. : )
I’m just worried that after next week, we’ll have to live through all the hype all over again… for another 6 months… or 6 years…
Post-June29th, the hype will be about the next iPhone killer.
“there’s no telling which electrical appliances can turn against you.”
There is in our house. It’s the white ones. Toaster, microwave, dishwasher, washing machine, kettle, etc. If it’s white it’s broken in our house in the last year. Oh why oh why did we buy a white car! Yes, it too.
got it! let me unbookmark this page, shred the hard copy I printed out, turn off my laptop, bye bye Internet…
“there’s no telling which electrical appliances can turn against you.”
That reminds me of that really bad movie (originally a Stephen King book)... What’s it called? Electrical appliances turn on their owners and the trucks start chasing people.
Maximum Overdrive… That’s the one. Ah, the smell of raw cheese.